To be seen

I have a check-up with the doctor who operated on my fingers. Tender calculus under the skin is one of the consequences of systemic sclerosis. It is a demanding disease you have, she says. I nod. There is a lot you would have liked to contribute to, she says, yes, I say, and feel a lump in my throat, it's a pity, she says, yes, I say, and not a word about focusing on the positive. She probably understands that I'm good at it, but only this: for a little while, that she acknowledges. She sees me, not only the patient.

 There was always so little, for example a sentence, a nod or a smile in a meeting with professionals who gave me the feeling of being seen, fueled my dignity and self-confidence in a demanding situation.

 I remember also another time when I was submitted to a rehabilitation center. I was in despair. I was getting worse and worse. The doctors had searched every nook and cranny of my body, but they could not figure it out. Two months’ later it turned out to be cancer. Again. This time with spread.

 But there I was sitting on the edge of the bed in the rehabilitation center. Seeing myself from the outside, collapsed, scared and without a grip on anything. Just thinking about getting under the covers.

There is a knock on the door and a young doctor enters. She has her fair hair in a large ponytail. She boasts health and strength. She asks me a few questions, takes out the stethoscope, is about to use it, but asks: Are you very tired? Yes, I answer, in a mush-choked voice. We can take the examination and fill out some forms tomorrow; you will be with us for a fortnight. We have time enough. Thank you, I reply.

 She takes the papers with her, and when she is about to leave the room, she turns, looks at me and says: I have read your journal. You deserve great respect for how you managed everything through all this years with demanding diagnoses.  

I crawl under the covers. The word, respect, lays down beside me and I fall asleep.

 Such an attitude towards patients is not only about resources, or more time. At the bottom lies a genuine understanding of how important it is that the professional is present, that he or she listen and sees the patient, and is able to perceive what is going on in the room. The two examples mentioned are not about long-term relationships, but short meetings. I use these cases to emphasize the importance of the helper's presence regardless of the length of the relationship. A present and empathetic attitude as an integral part of his or her professional self.

The development of personal competence is a lifelong learning, but the focus and understanding of this skill, must start while studying.

Personal competence is not learned in the auditorium but through skills training, guided practice and reflection. It is more profitable to gather as many students as possible in a large lecture hall, and there is not always political and financial understanding that the development of personal competence requires a completely different framework than large lecture halls.